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Experiencing rejection, particularly when it occurs frequently, is not a great feeling. A publisher is turning you down, giving a firm “No.” Working in writing, I am well acquainted with setbacks. I began proposing articles five decades ago, just after college graduation. Over the years, I have had two novels declined, along with book ideas and countless essays. Over the past 20 years, focusing on commentary, the rejections have grown more frequent. In a typical week, I receive a rejection every few days—amounting to more than 100 each year. In total, rejections throughout my life exceed a thousand. By now, I could claim a master’s in rejection.

But, does this seem like a self-pitying outburst? Absolutely not. As, finally, at 73 years old, I have come to terms with rejection.

In What Way Did I Achieve It?

A bit of background: Now, just about everyone and their distant cousin has given me a thumbs-down. I haven’t tracked my acceptance statistics—that would be very discouraging.

As an illustration: recently, an editor turned down 20 pieces consecutively before saying yes to one. In 2016, over 50 publishing houses rejected my memoir proposal before someone accepted it. Later on, 25 representatives declined a book pitch. One editor requested that I send potential guest essays only once a month.

My Phases of Rejection

Starting out, every no stung. I took them personally. I believed my writing being rejected, but myself.

As soon as a piece was rejected, I would go through the process of setback:

• Initially, disbelief. What went wrong? Why would these people be overlook my ability?
• Second, denial. Certainly you’ve rejected the incorrect submission? Perhaps it’s an mistake.
• Then, dismissal. What can editors know? Who made you to decide on my work? It’s nonsense and their outlet is poor. I refuse this refusal.
• After that, frustration at the rejecters, followed by self-blame. Why would I subject myself to this? Could I be a masochist?
• Subsequently, bargaining (preferably accompanied by delusion). What will it take you to see me as a unique writer?
• Then, despair. I lack skill. Worse, I can never become accomplished.

This continued through my 30s, 40s and 50s.

Notable Precedents

Of course, I was in fine company. Accounts of creators whose work was at first turned down are numerous. The author of Moby-Dick. The creator of Frankenstein. The writer of Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. Joseph Heller’s Catch-22. Virtually all renowned author was initially spurned. Because they managed to overcome rejection, then perhaps I could, too. The basketball legend was cut from his high school basketball team. The majority of US presidents over the past six decades had been defeated in races. The actor-writer says that his script for Rocky and desire to appear were declined 1,500 times. “I take rejection as an alarm to rouse me and get going, rather than retreat,” he remarked.

The Final Phase

Then, when I entered my senior age, I reached the last step of setback. Peace. Now, I more clearly see the many reasons why a publisher says no. Firstly, an publisher may have just published a like work, or have one underway, or be considering a similar topic for a different writer.

Alternatively, less promisingly, my idea is not appealing. Or the reader feels I don’t have the experience or stature to fit the bill. Or is no longer in the business for the wares I am peddling. Or was busy and scanned my submission hastily to appreciate its value.

Go ahead call it an epiphany. Any work can be declined, and for whatever cause, and there is virtually nothing you can do about it. Certain reasons for rejection are permanently beyond your control.

Within Control

Others are your fault. Admittedly, my ideas and work may sometimes be ill-conceived. They may be irrelevant and resonance, or the message I am attempting to convey is insufficiently dramatised. Or I’m being obviously derivative. Maybe a part about my punctuation, notably semicolons, was offensive.

The key is that, in spite of all my years of exertion and setbacks, I have succeeded in being published in many places. I’ve authored two books—my first when I was in my fifties, another, a personal story, at 65—and in excess of numerous essays. Those pieces have appeared in magazines major and minor, in diverse sources. My debut commentary appeared decades ago—and I have now written to various outlets for half a century.

Still, no blockbusters, no signings at major stores, no features on TV programs, no speeches, no book awards, no accolades, no Nobel Prize, and no medal. But I can better handle no at this stage, because my, admittedly modest successes have cushioned the jolts of my many rejections. I can choose to be thoughtful about it all at this point.

Valuable Setbacks

Rejection can be educational, but provided that you heed what it’s trying to teach. If not, you will almost certainly just keep interpreting no’s the wrong way. What lessons have I acquired?

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